March 3, 2012

All former, pitiful, bloody content in this post has been removed and swallowed by one of my pretty little demons.

My left arm which is the one I write and draw with is still broken, so I can only make due with the remaining useful arm. He’s a little angry that I had to render him so poorly though, especially because he’s the ring leader of all of my other pretties.

He says he’s not interested in buying anything either, this includes salvation–so don’t offer–unless, of course, it’s a sexy little thing.

Kudos and thanks for reading.

Until whenever…

11 Responses to “………………………………………..”

  1. the howler and me said

    It seems to be going around 😦
    hang in there.
    go sit in the sun if you can… vitamin D usually helps.

    • PAZ said

      Thank you.

      I managed to get through the night and day. I actually went out yesterday, a friend picked me up. I felt terrible but I went anyway!

      Then today I sat out in the sun for a while the dogs played. I read a bit of this MIchael Polland book. I made plans in my head (more like pep talks) about how I’m going to get through this as I know I’ve gone through other things, other lows for lack of a better word, and how I’m going to get work while I cannot legally work. I was embarrassed about having written this, but then Dotty and your response were helpful…

      • the howler and me said

        Don’t be embarrassed. Those who truly understand have been there… experienced that (to one extent or another)

        In order to get through it, you need to express it. Figure out what brings it on… how to cope… how to get on through it….

  2. PAZ said

    thanks. that’s a good idea Dotty.

  3. PAZ said

    And thanks for the compliments. I do think I’ll have to stay away for a while. xoxo

  4. PAZ said

    Howler and Me, thanks. 🙂 I’m not very good at expressing my emotions or inner turmoil in conversation (not even in therapy). And then again, who wants to talk about my troubles all the time without getting paid–even if it’s a measly five bucks–right? hehe 😉 But then, I end up feeling like I have no outlet. Growing up I always thought I shouldn’t express negative emotions, and sometimes it really is best not to or to do so in moderation. But in my case, i went to far to the point where the only negative emotion I could unleashed was anger. This blog is a good outlet because I can actually get feedback.

    I just, sigh, I guess I don’t like being whiny. But you’re right. Besides, if I plan to be honest in this blog, I shouldn’t hold back on things that I feel would be good to express or discuss. I shouldn’t be ashamed. You know just three years ago I would have NEVER disclosed my immigration status to anyone, not even anonymously. I no longer feel ashamed about it, so I’ll take that in mind if I feel excessive shame over something like this.

    Thanks again lady 🙂

  5. PAZ said

    Dotty you there? Your comments are gone 😦 Maybe that happened when I momentarily trashed this post… ?

  6. Ian Gardner said

    A lot of negativity, PAZ, but that is no big deal because all you have to do is rid yourself of it.
    Understand who and what you are and the purpose of your life.
    To do this read what I have written, in the recommended order, and learn. It is all available free and you can ask if you need any help. The links are in my WP profile.
    Go for it! Find contentment!
    Wishing you all the best,

    • PAZ said

      Yes. Thank you for the offer Ian. In the least I’m aware and working on it. I was taking a look at your page yesterday actually. I have studied metaphysics and metaphysical religions/thought/philosophies much of my life–since I was 14–and am fairly aware of the ideas of our thought and their projections, etc. I’m fond of positive affirmations though I have trouble with them.

      However, I believe we all create our purpose more-so than find it. I’ve come to many conclusions that I am content with more as I searched in my youth and continue to search. I also think wisdom lies in everyone as every living being has an inclination for self-preservation; that is what can be searched within ourselves, our own hidden wisdom. But it’s semantics I suppose.

      The best to you as well!

  7. […] and argue. When that happens, the beliefs become so strong they turn into emotions; they become my Pretty Little Demons. And I end up feeling intensely like an open wound–so intensely that I just wish someone […]

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