Aussies, Awards and a Cartoony Consolation Prize

April 14, 2012

My hunch was right!

I do have a fan, an Australian fan!

I figured out who it is too. And who knows, there may be more than one. There may be a dozen Aussie fans clicking away at my nonsense. There may be little Aussie fans multiplying out of that one fan–kind’a like Bruce Campbell’s character multiplies in that scene in The Army of Darkness with the mirror that shatters on the ground, leaving reflections of himself everywhere and all those tiny Bruce Campbell–tinier than me–reflections pop up out of the mirror every-which-way trying to kill him, only I don’t want to get killed by demented Aussie fan(s) or the demented reflections that came out of that one fan. I just want to be read by the Aussie fans (demented or not) as much as I love Australia.

(By the way, if you haven’t seen Army of Darkness, think Gullivers Travels when he gets caught by the little people in Lilliput and Blefuscu, only in a comical horror-adventure film–not nearly as good as it’s predecessors Evil Dead I and II–instead and everyone seems to be on some sort of psychotropic drug in some other strange, magical and medieval land. Coincidentally Lilliput is where Australia should be.)

Alright. Alright.

I don’t think I have a point to make tonight, if I ever did have one any other night and today is lacking, then I apologize in advance.

But I will say this, I think this blog’s been a good thing. It’s helped me write again, and writing again means I keep my mind full of less demons. Pretty and little as they may be, they are vicious and I’ve been telling them to vacate for nearly fifteen years and though sometimes they do scurry out, I somehow keep finding them back in there in my mouse hole, in my skull lounging about. And when they see me eying them deliberately, they scatter about like roaches but screech louder and more consistently than cicadas. They just don’t die entirely.

They started coming by again sometime in mid December soon after I’d opened up this blog, so it’s good I’m writing, right?

********

I went to Texas Children’s Hospital today because I’m participating in a longitudinal study on Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI). I’m not getting paid shit for it so my dad kept asking if I was going to get reimbursed for gas. I told him yes even though I’m not so sure. It’s all in the name of good science. I’m glad. Too bad that after dropping me off at Children’s, my dad broke down twice, once in the freeway I-59 which is congested as hell. I could just picture him there on the side of one of the busiest highways in Houston in the midday sun standing off to the farthest, rightmost lane while hundreds of cars swoosh inches away from him each minute.

Something would’ve been nice, like a consolation prize at least. I spend my good half of the day there at Children’s and at the end of it, when I did the pulmonary function test, the nurse screamed “go go go, push, push all that air out, go go go, push!” like I was lifting weights or giving birth or something. I asked if I was getting a prize, a scratch-and-sniff sticker at least and all she did was laugh.

I figure, instead, I’ll give a prize to my Aussie fan–the one getting me big headed, or bigger headed since my head-to-body ratio is low, something like 1:3 or 1:4 (Totsymae can attest to that).

Anyway, I’m gonna give this Aussie fan her present even though she, I mean she or he didn’t reveal themselves to me: it was what I had asked for remember? Ahem, don’t worry Aussie fan, I won’t reveal you just yet! I don’t want the other Aussies to get jealous ’cause I found you and liked you before I’d found out.

Turns out THE beautiful Aussie (whom I’m not disclosing just yet clickhereifyouwanttoseesomethinandsomethingelse) had awarded me one of those sweet awards going around.

The thing is, although I’m extremely, extremely flattered and excited and what-have-you, I’m still dealing with a lot and cannot fully accept to do the whole deciding and passing on. And I’m not that versatile am I? I mean, I just keep blogging about myself. Blegh. Also, I’m barely catching up on my favorite reads, so I’ll be slow at this if ever.

Besides, I’m a strange, indecisive girl and I don’t usually follow instructions well.

So here’s what I’ma gonna do.

Aussie fan, you get to choose something you like and I’m going to draw it for you! It has to be just one thing, like for example, I’d have a Nintendo controller for myself. Then, depending on what thing you choose, I’ll add another thing.

It may not be good, but it’s just for you.

Think about it and email me or post it here.

It’s my own personal challenge too. It may take a while because it takes me forever and a day and a half to get things done. In fact, I rarely finish what I start. I probably have over half a dozen half finished posts on here and a list full of shenanigans to put in my shenanigans page. (I uploaded old sketches there by the way.)

Anyway, blogging and writing and mental health…. 

PAZ December 2011 through April 2012

Me the last four months or so
copyright PAZ 2012

Today I’d be looking like She-Hulk instead of this.

Me broken arm

And this is me smiling at the blogosphere people who’ve made good suggestions, said thoughtful things, inspired me at one point or another and just plain read my nonsensical rambling. Here’s to the one’s that have made me smile, chuckle, giggle and laugh and spill my coffee like dear Dotty Headbanger. And, the mental health bloggers I’ve found are so addicting. I can really relate to you guys; it’s comforting to know.

It’s good to have a voice.

So here’s my consolation prize to yous guys who are not THE Aussie.

A little sketch.

Me smiling at yous

See. I’m SMILING. I’m smiling at YOU.

My arm actually hurt after doing those sketches, so you better like them!

You better, even though Id’a liked to sketch them better.

Really, not to make an excuse for my poor skill but I’m shaky as hell lately, like more than usual shaky, which sucks balls, old, hairy balls. I know, excuse my language guys but that’s how I speak sometimes and that’s how much it sucks. Anyway, I told the psychiatrist about this yesterday when I had my appointment but, egh. I may write about that later.

To be honest, I’m raging today. I’ve been raging for several days now, but the rage escalated today. I’m not really, really raging. But I’m fuckin‘ raging. I’ve been raging all day. Almost everything everyone says pisses me off. And I feel bad about it so I have to put myself in time out.

I helped my mom out with an application today (finally she does it) and I was raging. It was so bad, that rage, I even wanted to flip that computer keyboard over her right then and there.

The heat, that hellish salty and breathy heat I was talking about snuck by for a couple of hours while we were stuck in traffic, then I got home to a swarm of flies and mosquitos because we’re not turning on the air conditioning just yet to save up. I don’t mind that. What I mind is the damn flies and mosquito invasion.

There had to be another massacre today, too many mosquito and fly bodies to count.

My dad leaves the doors wide open and I have that sweet blood they like. So I’m raging and I rage some more from the three dozen mosquito bites I got on my legs, my arms, my shoulders and back and face and eyelids and forehead and foot (that one really itches) and I even got some up my thighs and butt.

Man I’m raging. I want to smash things so I better go lie down..

I drew a little to placate the rage but then raged some more.

Anyway, this one is for you guys. Not the rage, the smile.

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19 Responses to “Aussies, Awards and a Cartoony Consolation Prize”

  1. Love them Aussies. The 3rd week my blog went up I had posted a clock cartoon and an editor of clock and watch mag saw it and wanted to publish, That was such a thrill. He’s in Brisbane, Australia. He has a dozen or so more on file now for future use.

    • PAZ said

      So he’s bought a dozen or more of your cartoons? That’s wonderful. 🙂
      Is it still up on your blog, the watch? I guess I should check, huh.
      Gotta love them Aussies for sure

  2. Dear PAZ,

    They’re lovely sketches, I adore them, but then you know I like your sketches, I fell in love with your venomous monkey-bee before I fell in love with you. 🙂

    Raging can be a good thing after the time you’ve had lately so don’t feel bad about it, let yourself rage – it’ll soon burn out.

    Love you loads, Dotty xxx

    • PAZ said

      Dear Dotty,
      Thanks bunches! You know if anyone loves my monkey-bee, I can’t help but to love them. You really are great. Your the only one who’s made me spill my coffee. And then you made me fall in love with you.

      I don’t know. I hope you and THAM are right about the rage burning out soon. I raged half or more of my formative years away.
      Love xoxo

    • PAZ said

      But you’re right Dotty, after all that happened in these last few months, I think I’m doing pretty good. I should give myself a hug and a pat on the back since I’m not ragging my skin off with my nails at least.
      😉

      • Dear PAZ,
        Just go with it for now, it’s all part of grieving, and I know it’s a cliche but you’re much stronger than you think – we all are. Plus, ragging someone else’s skin off with your nails is much more satisfying. 😉
        Love Dotty xxx

        • PAZ said

          Dear Dotty,
          Right, the stages of grief, so I’m what in the anger stage now?
          Look it’s number three, had to look it up http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html
          Well, I guess as far as that goes I’ve been cycling through them. This is just another turn, maybe?

          I love your idea about the nails on someone else instead of on myself! Reminds me of this one time I scratched an older kid that was making fun of me. They called him Ramona after that cause he started crying like a baby.

          He learned that you really shouldn’t mess with a mouse; they’re deceivingly clever… and VICIOUS!

          Love xoxoxo

        • PAZ said

          Beugh, Dotty, I just realized that website is trying to sell me something. I’m raging again. BAGHGAHAHAGHAH.

          Oh oh. hoo

  3. the howler and me said

    Like your sketches, especially the last one 🙂
    No worries, the rages will subside…. just make sure you take care of yourself.
    -the howler and me

  4. I love the drawings so much!!!
    Love big smiley Sailor xoxox

  5. KC said

    Hey there…just wanted to say glad you’re writing, -especially- things like the above. You sound so familiar I had to check to make sure I hadn’t written it! Then I saw the sketches, and I was sure. The only thing I can draw is a fat man caught in an elevator door. I like your mousies. I’m particularly found of people named/called Mouse. There was on in the 80’s Beauty and the Beast series (okay good, okay fine) and the thief in LadyHawk…and a few others I can’t remember right now. *hugs* I don’t know what sort of change/loss you’re going through, but believe me, I can empathize. I have to hide back in my “room” when the little nephews and nieces come to visit my folks. I love’em, but I can’t trust myself not to screech/rage at them when they don’t listen. >;<

    Hope to talk to you again soon, and keep writing!

    KC & Co.

    • PAZ said

      Where can I see this “fat man caught in an elevator door”? I’d very much like to see him so I can get a little laugh for the day.

      And thanks a bunches it is good to write so long as I keep it in good measure!

      See you soon…

  6. KC said

    It’s silly…it’s a middle school “riddle” picture. I used to know a few more, but apart from one really awful racist one (yay childhood in the South,,, >;<) I forget the rest of them. 😉

    I don't know if I can post pics in comments, so I'll just describe it… One straight vertical line intersected/split by an oval with 3-4 dots/tiny circles in a line down the middle. Silly, hmm? 😉

    And you're welcome!

    KC

  7. […] that letter I’d gotten from the university? (Click here if you don’t) Well, yep, they’d wanted to know what I’d planned on doing about paying that money I […]

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