NaPoWriMo Día 17: He

April 17, 2012


He, my muse.
I his.

His ease of inspiration
is thwarted by the need he feeds.

He, always
drunker than he lets on.

I will not.
I will not.

I, sallow,
now sail farther than my ship allows.

I am his muse he says,
his easel, his canvas, brush and paint.

HA! What will he do
when I’ve smeared off his page,

washed out, leaving it empty like
the glazed gaze washing over me now?

His embedded emerald eyes reveal
a touch of grey marble beneath,

a bit cracked like thunder
and clouded, darkened with the gods and demons.

All those deep pangs they release
on our frontal lobes when we elope.

I will no longer.
I will no longer.

I will not lie in
the blanket of his fever.

I alone hold enough fire to
light the darkest hour of night.

And damned be that evasive smile!
And damned be my indecision!

Voices echoed. Heidi calls again.
We, we, we, we, we. A screech!

Lost in his mental Minoan Crete.
He! He! Damned, depressed poet!

Glad to burn out his body
for a few years of continuous intensity.

I will not.
I will not.

He and his Dionysus
He and his courtesies

I must leave.
I will not. I will not.

I will not rot.




Is it cheating if I picked up and finished a poem I’d started and dropped two or more months ago?

BAGH. It’s all over the place.
Blegh, it still feels incomplete like it always will, like his fuckin’ life.

Today was a long day. Not bad, not good, just long.
*le sigh*

Buenas noches

8 Responses to “NaPoWriMo Día 17: He”

  1. It’s a great poem, though – even if you did just pick it up half-finished. I like the repetition in it of ‘I will not’ because it reminds me of how I always rely on my strength of will, even when sometimes it’s not enough.

    • PAZ said

      Thank you Beautiful Rose. 🙂 I hope the repetition gave it rhythm. You got the essence of it–I hadn’t even thought, well not consciously–that I was grasping for my strength, the power of will.

  2. the howler and me said

    No, picking up something you stopped working on months ago is not cheating… time puts things into perspective….

    I like it… I do…

    • PAZ said

      Gracias THAM. Yes, perspective. It’s so strange how the course of life’s events changes the outcome of something you were creating. I may have never picked this one up again. It was really painful to “finish” it and is painful to read since I changed it, added so much and rewrote most of it yet kept it in present tense like I was foreshadowing. uggh. I’m glad I did complete it though, relatively at least.

  3. I love it, its beautiful xox

  4. Spider42 said

    I think most of us can relate to the feeling of looong days that come now and again, hope your next ones are better – or at least no worse! 🙂
    Very nice poem, but I must admit that the first half felt far better overall than the last 6-7 parts which, while not bad just so its clear, feel either rushed or just ever so slightly disconnected from the rest.
    As you mention after the poem, there is a feeling of incomplete-ness, not unlike the person and scenario described in the poem itself – so in its own way it fits.

    • PAZ said

      Yeah, very rushed and disparate. This one has a very personal and heavy back story to it. Considering the days I’ve been having, I’d say long is very, very good.

      Thanks for reading!

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