Aw Sheeit, It’s Shatner!

April 19, 2012

I meant to do this earlier but it’s been another long day folks. I went to therapy this morning. I tried to do this little photo retouching gig I got, I then went to a gym I was invited to (one of my mom’s friend’s).

There I swam my rage all over that pool. All that rage just spilled out of me like dozens of gallons of blood and dozens of gallons of pee turning the blue into red-pee until I couldn’t see anymore ’cause I didn’t take goggles with me and that shit burns in your eyes after a couple of laps. And when you can’t see anything anymore, you run into the other lane and hit your head and swallow all that red-pee water. That’s not even taking into account that my arm still feels like it could re-fracture any minute; that’s OI for you. In spite of all that, I’m a pretty damn good swimmer! Bet you didn’t expect that, did you? A mouse running laps in the water. Or maybe you did.

At least I’m busy and keeping some of the crazies out, but then again I’m a little scared that too much is happening all at once. I got a call from a non-profit I used to volunteer for. It was a good call but nerve  wrecking nonetheless. Then I got this aweful letter from the university saying they are going to take my $2,000 debt to the bill collectors because I’ve owed too long. What if they send someone to snap my neck in two?

That may be a good thing, but…

Oh jeezus!

Ok ok. Breath in. Breath out. Iiiiin. Ouuuut. Puff up, puff up the belly, round round, not the chest.

Ok. Ok.

I had two mini panic attacks today. Just had to make sure that wasn’t another one coming on.

Alright, here’s the deal. Dear Dotty Headbanger had nominated me and all of her other fans for the Golden Shatner Award for Blogger Awesomeness (GSABA). And even though she didn’t say it right out, she meant me in particular because she knows I’m her verdadera–that’s true and real–awesome fan, numero uno, none of these other clowns compare (you read that Le Don’t Compare Clown?).

Oh sheet, it's Shatner!

I nominate these people for also being awesome:

Awkward Elton
Howler and Me
Sailor Carrie
But I’m Beautiful (aka Beautiful Rose)

I was going to nominate the lovely Sarah Draws but I just noticed she nominated herself, so she’s out of the batch.

Nominees, apparently the rules are you should only–sucks I knownominate four people or something like that. I’m going to nominate myself twice however and add another four.

My arm hurts. I really did swim more than I probably should have so I’m keeping this short.

Oh sheet, it's Shatner again!

If you’re the first four to say anything on here, you automatically get in the second batch of the Shatner awards!

It’s so golden…

25 Responses to “Aw Sheeit, It’s Shatner!”

  1. I can’t swim a lick. Sounds like you worked out really well though. I like watching people swim. It’s a graceful sport I wish I’d learned.

    • PAZ said

      Totsymae, neither can my mom but it is definitely a full body workout.

      I did. I think twelve laps back and forth on an olympic-size pool is overexerting myself. I had also gone Saturday but only did six then. It’s about the only thing I can be really athletic at. It’s also the best and least risky exercise for someone with OI.

      • Well, you’re doing it physically and mentally, through your blog. Often times, I can feel your frustrations and dilemmas, which are elements of great writing, Plus, you quite funny. Would love to see more of your art.

    • PAZ said

      Oh and consider yourself awarded Totsymae! I know you many not take that Golden Shatner in all his glory but I’m still tilting my hat to you.

    • PAZ said

      Totsymae, you’re absolutely right! I have over exerted myself mentally here as well as physically elsewhere. I’m glad of it.

      And it means a bunch coming from you since I’ve enjoyed your art and your writing so much.

      Am I funny looking funny? Please, I can’t take too many compliments. As we discussed before this big head can’t get any bigger ’cause I’ll need my balance so I won’t fall and break something else. 😉

  2. the howler and me said

    Awww Sheeeit! I say, nominate Sara Draws anyway 🙂 She is a much better writer than I am 😉

    Plus, I haven’t decided if I will accept it… just because I am weird like that….makes me feel all funny inside….its kinda lame that I get all scared of recognition….

    Thanks for the nod my friend, I am tickled and honored.

    • PAZ said

      I know what you mean THAM. I feel like such a douche for taking that Versatile Blogger award after having been indecisive, and then what do I do? I don’t even take it properly. I still feel weird about it, like I should revoke it. heheh.

      These things are silly anyway. But the Shatner one is funny, you gotta admit. Thanks to Dotty for that one.

      You’re right about Sarah. I was an ass for taking her out of the batch. I’ma throw her back in.

      You are awesome by the way, regardless of anything. Your little convos with me have helped me, really.


    • saradraws said

      oh, hell to the no! You are awesomesauce and anyone who says otherwise is obviously dumb.
      I do appreciate the flattery, though. I’m sensitive like that.

  3. I hope that pool has a very powerful anti-blood-pee-rage filtration system in place. I have always wondered how swimmers manage to keep their eyes open under water, I haven’t tried it in decades. In any case, I pretty much only swim in the ocean. I’m guessing salt water hurts less than chlorine, but I have been wrong in my life. Once. I think. 😉

    • PAZ said

      Ruby, I also really hope they have a powerful anti-blood-pee-rage filtration system because as strong as the chlorine was, I’d say my rage-blood-pee and guts were stronger. I avoided contact with damn near everyone at that gym…

      I love the ocean too! It’s one of the only places where I can lower my anxiety. But then I get anxiety about getting knocked by waves and breaking something. heheh.

      You’re a Shatner nominee!

      • I was in the Gulf of Mexico for the first time in my life last summer, and it was the calmest, warmest ocean water I have found yet. It was soooooo relaxing, I had zero anxiety (and had you asked me for most of my life what my number one worst way to die would be, I would have resounded with drowning). I don’t know where you are, but I thought of the almost wavelessness and wanted to mention it.

        Thanks for the Shatty. Nothing in the world says absurdity quite like a digitally generated golden bust of William Shatner. And absurdity is one of my favorite things.

  4. Think Picard was better

  5. saradraws said

    This was one funny post. I hope no one comes to snap your neck. The blogging world would be sad.

  6. *images of a mouse swimming around a pool* love it 😀
    and thanks for the nomination 😀
    Love HS xox

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