I Miss Monkey Man

July 26, 2012

He was more than a lover, more than a friend. He was a kindred soul; he was family. He understood my pain. I understood his. And we knew each other’s capacity for joy and love.

He hurt me so many times and I hurt him too. But we also blessed each other.

He handed me the biggest heart any man has handed me. And now he’s gone.

Or is he really?

No, I must say. Not entirely.


I wonder who kept his Taylor baby acoustic guitar. I want to read his notebooks, his poems, his unfinished songs.

But his father has them.

And well…

I want to go to the ocean and drown.

3 Responses to “I Miss Monkey Man”

  1. Kyle said

    that’s sad and beautiful paz – thank you

  2. I’m so sorry, Paz. Just one of those days where the sadness filters into your bones and just hurt. Maybe ask dad if you can have at least one of the poems. Couldn’t hurt to ask at some point.

    • PAZ said

      “Filters into your bones.” Aren’t those just the right words Totsymae.

      I’ve been working up my way to getting past the anxiety and apprehension and calling his dad and/or step-mom again. His step-mom (married to dad) told me she’d get in touch with me as soon as she got the toxicology reports results, but it’s been three months and she still hasn’t. Maybe she forgot, maybe there’s too much going on, maybe she doesn’t wanna tell me. Who knows…

      I have two of his poems printed and a few he’d emailed me.

      Your suggestion is good though… thanks for suggesting it. 🙂
      hugs xoxoxxx

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