Life Line

August 2, 2012

I’m too tired to write anything today. But I did want to share this. I think I’m going to start a new series, “P’s Pool Stories” What do you think? Does that sound cheesy, but something you may want to read? Yay? Nay?


I was scheduled to have an interview with a reporter today about the Deferred Action/Dream Act that was sent out as an executive order by president Obama. I guess she wanted to interview me about it and for me to share my personal story. As usual these last two weeks, I only slept about four and a half hours. I was so nervous/anxious. I’d been trembling all morning. But that’s already been happening anyway as you may know.  I’m not going to get into details, but basically she canceled on me.

Thankfully, today is one of my swimming days. It has been one of my lifelines for the last month and a half or so. Sucks my mom works as a janitor there and is starting to get tired of her supervisor who keeps telling her to “scrub harder here and scrub harder there” and “you missed a spot”. My mom is a clean freak, so I’m sure she’s doing her job well, he’s just buggin’. On the plus side, she has a job! It’s not something we could’ve said six months ago. And the fact that she works there is the only reason I’m able to go swimming in the first place.

Money issues? Meh.

I’m at ease at the moment and will savor this bit of strange calm (I did take a Clonazepam for the interview though, so that’s one reason why).

And I’m buff! heheh. Or as my brother says, “Damn you’re shredded shorty!” I think I’m the fittest I’ve ever been in my life, though not mentally fit yet. I mean, I am mentally strong despite the instability and my lack of self-esteem and all the other bullshit that comes with mental problems.

I’ve been fit before and I’ve also been overweight as well as crack-head skinny. My weight fluctuates to extremes like my moods. As I mentioned in Termination of Therapy and a Secret Diagnosis of BPD, my weight has fluctuated A LOT throughout my life, and I have serious body image issues that I have slowly been working out the last three years. And now I’m turning into one of those douchey muscle guys that always stand in front of the mirror flexing and kissing their pecks.

Oh, snap, I think I did just write. heheh. My favorite lane is the one on the far left by the windows. 🙂


Just keep swimming. It’s hardly ever this empty.
(taken with  my semi-crappy Nokia camera phone) I’m doing an average of 8 to 14 laps. 48 seconds  a lap (2way) was my latest timing. And I don’t know why the water looks so cloudy here.

8 Responses to “Life Line”

  1. Hey, I think that’s a good picture to be able to take with a Nokia phone! It’s quite clear1

    • PAZ said

      Thanks lovely Angel! It’s one of those semi-smart phones but I have no internet access. The pic came out decent I admit. Lighting was good for it. 🙂

      • PAZ said

        Also, that pool is hardly ever that empty! Usually, when we go, it’s not as chaotic, but in the mornings and evenings there are at LEAST two people per lane. Drives me crazy! heheh. I love it like this. 🙂 All mine. 😉

  2. The guy will pay later for being a mean boss, if he isn’t already. Enjoy the pool. Wish I could swim. And go ahead with the pool series since you enjoy swimming so much.

    • PAZ said

      I think the guy is just getting a whiff of a little power since he was a janitor there too. Thanks about the pool stories. There are just a lot of funny old folks that go there. There are young ones too, but this one for example Michael Tien is a character. I think ima write about him first.

  3. the howler and me said

    Exercise is a wonderful thing… it makes you feel sooo much better… at least until all those feel good hormones wear off…

    Do the Pool Stories!!!! I would love to read them 🙂

  4. So did you end up doing the interview at all? Good if you can get your story out there. The pool looks very tempting btw!

    • PAZ said

      No, we’ll have to reschedule. Back when I was an “activist” or whatever they call it, I had about three interviews. I had severe panic in all three but made it though, so I know this one will go better, I hope.

      Oh the pool! Water is heavenly Beautiful Rose!

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