JAW(S)urgery! AAAAAAaah

November 11, 2012

Insert Jaws theme song.

********

I find it funny (in a dark kind of way) that a few months ago I tried to snuff myself. Today that seems remote. BUT… I’m having surgery tomorrow. It’s one of those, “oh, I’ll make a long blog post about it some day” but then never get to it kind of things.

****

I think I’m going to die, not because of the surgery, but rather because I fear my rage will exceed the capacity of my heart and I will thus have a cardiac arrest, or an aneurysm or some kind of… Ugh, I will not indulge these thoughts.

Tomorrow, a plate will be removed from my lower jaw. It has five screws. See.

****

my jaw

Yep, that’s my jaw. See the plate on the left (your right) lower mandible? It has five fuckin’ screws. See them? And see my nose ring!?

This is partly the reason why I’ve been having so much pain in my face/jaw for the last two years. That and the nerve damage ’cause by the procedure, oh and the fact that it is still sticking out in the back of my throat–they didn’t seal it properly. Yep. Also, I had the worst episode of Bell’s Palsy on that side.

Turns out that when I –it’s a long story. Trust me, I’ll get to it someday, a day that is not today.

Turns out that when I had a cyst and the back-most molar tooth removed, my jaw was fractured. I have brittle bones/Osteogenesis or OI as I’ve mentioned before. They knew this but probably had no experience working on someone like me.

****

It was supposed to be a simple day surgery. You know, minor operation, go home same day. But nope, I woke up in the ICU (intensive care unit). And I woke up looking like THIS GUY:

Alright, I didn’t look EXACTLY like ‘ole Sloth here, but I did look like his sister–if he had one. It sucked. My mouth was wired shut for four months. I had what they call “poor man’s braces” to keep the wires on and they tore at my gums. I only ate liquids and soups my dad made for me. I couldn’t look at my face in the mirror for nearly six months. And well, the pain. The pain. The pain.

Hopefully tomorrow much of this pain will be relieved once the damn titanium plate is out of my jaw.

I know you’re probably wondering, “But P, why didn’t you tell us before?!” And I know I’ve been neglecting this blog and your blogs, but that’s because so many things are changing. It is what it is. This blog has meant so much to me and your support has kept me through this year.

I barely found out about the surgery on Thursday when I had my doc appointment (that’s when I took the photos above). I had hoped to schedule it ASAP but I didn’t expect for them to schedule so soon. MONDAY! I’ve put this off long enough though and I’m going through with it!

My therapist Brunet Young has helped me prepare for this. I had a panic attack on Thursday and earlier today but I’m good now. And I’ll most def’ appreciate the support!

Oh and my family was such a HUGE support today. Bro came with his girlfriend and we watched Children of Men (one of Monkey Man’s favorite films). Bro’s girlfriend, N, brought me donuts and some soft slippers! So that has eased much of the anxiety. That and the fact that I took a Clonazepam and Tramadol earlier.

I gotta be up at 5am. Night.

Mouse Love

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11 Responses to “JAW(S)urgery! AAAAAAaah”

  1. Wow….I’m so sorry that you’ve been in so much pain and have to go through this. Lots of big hugs to you.

  2. Good luck Oh Brave One!

  3. Still thinking of you……… PS if you get an odd missed call from a +44 number, it was me accidentally calling you!!!……xox

    • PAZ said

      Never got the call love, but I got a mystery text from some chick in Georgia. She doesn’t want to tell me who she is and keeps saying I have to guess. :/

      • Thats not me. I’m not in Georgia. On your FB page it had a phone number, I was going to text you good luck on the day of your surgery, but then I realised you said you had a new phone so I didn’t know if you’d get it. Then before I knew it my phone started calling the number and I couldn’t hand up and I was going ahhhhhhhhhhh! 🙂 love xox

        • PAZ said

          What?! FB has my number set to public view? I don’t remember doing that… Well, although I would have loved to hear your well wishes, I’m glad it didn’t go through because my dad would be pissed if I got charged extra. He pays–no job–and we don’t have international calls or texts. I got stamped with 60 bucks for that time I was talking to Eg.

          Maybe you can call me from your auntie’s house when you fly over the ocean.
          xoxoxox

  4. lyxia said

    oh good luck brave gal, I send you my thoughts in the millions and hope the snowflakes carry them to you. Be careful with the meds and aneastisia…. I do want you to wake up…

  5. saradraws said

    What’s this about snuffing yourself a few months ago? Was I around? Was I paying attention?
    Well, we’re here now, And I’m glad your face sucks less than it did after the tooth removal. Yours is not an easy life. But I’m glad I’m part of it (in a small way). xo

    • PAZ said

      It’s cool. I am not suicidally depressed like I was then. ughh… dark times you know.

      We are here now. That is the truth. I’m glad I’m part of yours too. Never thought I’d “meet” such amazing people here.
      xo

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