Amanda Has Words

March 12, 2013

© paz 2013

© paz 2013

And cameras.

I just completed a pen-and-ink portrait of a fellow blogger and friend, Amanda. Here blog, Amanda Has Words, is full of her awesome little poems. Please check ’em out.

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I’ve drawn more these last three months. Like most things I get into, I hadn’t sketched for years, had put the pencil down. But I’m back at it again and I’ve decided (let’s hope I don’t change my mind) that I will try making portraits on of my goals as a freelancer.

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I have therapy tomorrow and one thing Brunet Young and I discussed were my “abandonment” issues. I know I’ll have to finally resolve some shit from my childhood to move on from this. It seems to me sometimes, that everything that heals me also hurts me.

One thing that’s frustrating me is that my Nemo T-Rex Duck arm has been hella hurtin’. I mean HELLA. And that’s the arm I write/draw with! Damn you Osteogenesis Imperfecta!

If you guys remember (not that I’d expect you to), I fractured my arm February of last year, 2012. Well, apparently, the fracture didn’t heal properly and there is a part of the core that is still disconnect. So essentially, my arm is still a bit broken. Sigh. This is what I mean by the though, “Everything that heals me hurts me”. Why can’t I make art without something hindering me? First it was my music and hearing loss. Now this?

I know I sound upset, and I am, but I’m quite excited about my new illustration goals.

Thanks for the support Amanda!

addendum: if you visit her blog, make sure to ask her about her photography

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20 Responses to “Amanda Has Words”

  1. Woman, I am amazed by your courage. Many people would have said “fuck it in a goddam bucket” by now, but not the tough-as-nails-with-a-sweet-soft-core PAZ-ness. Is there any way to brace up the T-Rex fuck-a-duck arm so that it doesn’t grate on itself when you draw? I went around with a disconnected left wrist for a few years, just lived night and day in braces until finally it was clear nothing more could be done so they hammered some nails through it and now it’s fused. But I became a big fan of braces in the meantime. Oh and I haven’t told you how much I love your drawing. I love your drawing! Hope you can find a way to keep those cards and letters, uh I mean drawings, coming!

    • PAZ said

      Thanks so much Laura. Those words are so encouraging. You too are tough-as-nails-with-a-sweet-soft-core. I like that. 🙂

      I’m literally full of metal in my body, so tough as nails isn’t a far cry. ha. Oh, I’ve missed my Canvas family.

      Is the disconnected wrist somehow related to your back problem too? I remember you had a brace for that.

      Well, I am being treated in a General Hospital, so orthopedic docs there aren’t very specialized in OI. I was told that fusing it or doing any kind of surgery at the moment isn’t worth it. I agree, at least for now. It sucks, but I know that a surgery would mean risks to nerve damage and damaging tendons and whatnot. And I need that hand to draw! The ulnar and fibula are curved about an inch after the elbow, hence the T-Rex name. Anyway, that has ’cause many of the other ligaments around there to also grow bow shaped. That’s why they could never rod that arm.

      And I hope I can keep the letters, drawings and motivation coming!

      הרבה אהבה

      🙂

      • Whoa baby, dig the Ivrit (Hebrew)! Muchas gracias, ratoncita chicitita hermosita! I better quit now: when I started to learn Hebrew, my once-fluent Spanish got mixed up with it, and now I only speak Spebrew and boy is that a mess. Wow, you better stay away from an MRI machine or any kind of large magnet, with all that metal in your bod. And definitely don’t fly anywhere (shudder). I was thinking more of an external sort of brace that the brace shop could make just so that you don’t have body parts jostling one another for space, as it were, and give you some stability to draw from, or with, as the case may be? Yeah, the wrist and the back are all part of one shit-for-connective tissue issue. Peanuts compared to what you endure, though. I just live in various kinds of braces from time to time, and then whatever it is fuses together, and generally speaking stays put. The left wrist just fucking came apart, though, but it doesn’t hurt so I’m going to ignore it for now.

        Besitos!

        • PAZ said

          Ignoring but caring for it is fine! 😉 Hope it doesn’t hurt. If it doesn’t, that’s a good sign. Is this a condition you have?

          Oh, and I bought myself a cheap 6 dollar wrist thingy at Walmart the other day (hate Walmart but didn’t have much of a choice). It’s been helping my wrist remain more stable which in turn helps keep the bones in that arm firmer and the entire arm is more stable, so it’s hurting a bit less. I’m also being more cautious of how I bare weight on it. Hope it heals eventually. Ughhh. age. When I was a kid, I’d heal from multiple fractures in just a month’s time!

          I do have to schedule an appointment for occupational therapy soon and they should mold me a splint there. Just been so busy ’cause now I’m finally working! Yep, got my work authorization permit from immigration.

          I know no Hebrew and just cheated from Google Translate heheh

          Besitos grandes! xoxoxxx

          • Wow, you blow my mind, managing to work (congrats on immigration) with your huge physical AND mental challenges! You may or may not know that I’m a pediatrician by training, although I can’t work now because of all the meds and shit. I have been on the receiving end of a couple of OI babies who came out literally crushed from being born….I never imagined they’d make it but they did. We used to have a saying, if you put both ends of a kid’s bones in the same room, they’ll manage to heal. But it must be a bitch for you getting older with healing times getting longer, if at all….you’re just effin’ amazing. Neshikot (that’s Hebrew for besitos)!

          • PAZ said

            Thank you! Well, I don’t know if you remember but during April of last year (when I was at my worst), a friend “hooked me up” with a job and I broke down on the first day. Didn’t work out anyway.

            This job is nice because I have flexibility! Lots of it. I make my own work schedule as long as I do 15hrs a week. Fifteen hours is very part-time but it’s something! I don’t think I could handle full-time, not now at least.

            Oh god, and menopause. I don’t even wanna think about that. I always say I’ll die young anyway but that’s not too cheerful huh? ha shit. oh well. We’re living in the present not the future. I was born with 17 fractures, so yes, you could imagine.

            Seeing little kids with OI always makes me so emotional

            Neshikot

          • PAZ said

            Ughh. I don’t think my first reply to this was sent. Neshikot

          • Yes it was sent. Ay caramba woman, how did you get that karma??? Well one good thing (if you wanna call it good) is that in Hebrew numerology the number seventeen equals the word “tov” which means “good.” So you were a good one! There, got that settled. Gam ani cuando veo et yeled im OI ani pongo a llorar….oh shit, it’s happening again! Besititos xoxoxo

  2. All the best with your goals. You sure have the talent to achieve them! Cool portrait!

    • PAZ said

      Thank you Mr. Sketch! You know, when I found your blog I said to myself, “Shit P, you better start drawing again”. I can’t believe I’m actually finishing what I start these days!

  3. Wow, I feel very bad for you about your arm. Before my husband and I got married he had a bad fall off a porch and broke his arm in three places-his right arm. They had to put a mental plate in, and since it was a huge emergency situation, they rushed it and they did not line the mental up correctly. They said he could have another surgery to remove the plate but he enjoys his “bionic”arm.There is a sharp point that juts off his elbow-he like to poke me with it! I myself broke my leg in 3 spots when i was 19. I was told afterwards-that i would always feel weather changes in that leg and I do!! Maybe they could put screws in to heal your arm, or pins or something?

  4. BTW your art is just really amazing, very detailed-nicely done.

  5. You are very gifted and very, very brave. OI is such a debilitating disease but somehow extraordinary bravery seems to be one of the “symptoms”. Be kind to yourself because I think you push yourself too hard and maybe you should allow for some healing time…Hugs Oh Brave One!

  6. Amanda said

    You are amazing 🙂

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