November 25, 2012
Southeast Texas is beautiful this time of year. A lot of the coastal birds are filling the sky and chirping all around–on trees, light posts, stop light, electric wires (yeah), and big signs that stick out of shops.
I’ve been back in therapy since sometime in early July (or was is late June?), and I’ve taken a few snapshots when I get the chance to stick around for a while. It’s good to be able to do some art therapy right after psychotherapy I usually stick around when I take the bus there. Last week my dad took me; the week before last, I didn’t go because I had surgery.
I took these sometime mid-October, soon after my birthday.
There are still more but I’m just putting ten for now.
Oh! I also started swimming again today! The water was freezing cold (not really). But last night, I had an attack of the mentals as Le Sailor might say. I don’t know what happened. It just came on so sudden. I’d been relatively stable–as in kind of “normal”, whatever that means. But the last few days have been strange, like a sort of spike. Here’s what I wrote on my Facebook page last night. I still don’t know how to describe this feeling.
“I feel strange. I can’t even put words to it. I hope it’s not the darkness and the PLDs settling in again. No, no no. I even yelled harshly at Luna for licking my nose. Of course I asked for forgiveness, which she immediately did. I feel a rage surging deep down within me though. I’m starting to sense that I can’t trust anyone.”
Fortunately, two of my lovely blogging buddies send me some comforting words. Thanks guys!
Here’s where you can see the post Campus Crawlin’ – Part 1
NOTE: I didn’t watermark these because I think they look better without a big ole copyright sign on them and a big ole PAZZZZZZ. You know the Monkey Bee (see below) WILL STAB YOU if you dare copy these as your own. She don’t play.
October 12, 2012
I’ve been going to the university a lot this week. For one, I go to therapy there. It’s cheap and I don’t have insurance. Two, I’m still dealing with the immigration issue and the law center has law students that help you out. It’s free.
I’ve been taking a few pictures around campus. It’s made me a little nostalgic. I miss school, miss schoolin’. I almost feel like a student again with all my creepin’ and crawlin’ around campus these days. And I’m still working on my stealth. It’s a bit difficult with the wheelchair getting in the way. I also need to take my telephoto lens next time! It would have made the pictures better had I had it with me. I’ll get better shots next time. It’s just a bit of a pain switching lenses, especially because the telephoto lens is nearly one-third my full body size.
I’ll post the other set later… Mouse must go swim!
addendum: The waffle bus and Bernie’s Burger Bus are a fuckin’ rip off! Don’t buy their burgers. (I never did, just sayin’)
October 7, 2012
These are a few photos I took a couple of weeks ago on the bus stop near my side of town. I was heading to therapy, and seeing the phone booth and empty newspaper stands made me want to shoot ’em–with me camera lens that is. I actually had my Nikon D-70 on me that day, so voila. You don’t see these around much nowadays.
The last picture kind of sucks. So pardon my mediocrity. I’m not a photographer. I’m simply a mental midget with a somewhat fancy camera, a vagabond, a non-poet that can sometimes write versus and sing and make people laugh though she herself is crying.
Life’s been better these days though, and I’m really laughing on the inside as well as the outside. 🙂 The PLDs are mostly at bay.
p.s. Monkey Bee says don’t try any FUCKIN’ tricks with the phone booth shots!
love from the Mouse
September 2, 2012
Especially today. Know why?
Little Luna and I sat down just chatting away with our clown noses on–me in my hippie tie-die beach dress–trying to come up with a dare for Le Clown. (I’ll admit, Little Luna came up with most of my better jokes.)
Anywya, help me out here or it’s the end of The Circus at the End of the World! What should I dare Le Clown to do?
Ok, it won’t be the end of the circus world or The Circus at the End of the World, Not really.
This is no joke though; it’s not poor Photoshop work either. Soon after writing down the last comment, we had to stop, drop and roll because we REALLY caught on fire after reading the hilarity and typing 300 words per second.
Yes I have a ton of windows up. And don’t ask me why the word MAGICAL is crossed off. I got the font from dafont.com and since I didn’t purchase it, I think it only lets me use it with some words crossed off. Hey, it’s a trade off. BAgh.
Don’t ask me what’s going on here either. But I think she was begging me to stop and I DID give her a dozen treats for helping me get through all those comments (truth is we really didn’t read ALL of them, but ya know).
addendum: On a more serious note, I wish I had a painkiller because my jaw is fuckin’ hurting. I’ve got that titanium plate that needs to be removed from my lower jaw. 😦 Ughh… It’s been hurting all week. It’s been feeling like it really is on fire. le sad mouse sigh. Eric, you should tell Le Clown to give me extra points for this! Just because you know? You’re the only sweet one that Le Clown listens to. I swear I’m not trying to milk it. 😉
July 10, 2012
I had uploaded two more pics for the previous post about post traumatic stress, but didn’t think they fit. So here they be separately!
June 30, 2012
It rained all day yesterday and much of the day today. I love summer rains!
There’s a sun roof just above the tub in my parent’s room. A lot of flowers and leaves from the neighboring tree fall on there.
I had a razor set up by the tub and then I thought, “This is ridiculous P! Go get your camera and shoot these droplets and pretty leaves instead. You’ll go swimming tomorrow and don’t want that arm all cut up.”
Photographing helped snap me out of this strange sensation for a while. I was able to just focus on the patterns the leaves and flower petals made as they fell along with the droplets of water.
After shooting these, I was able to settle my mind. Then I was about to get ready to cook something when my serendipitously brother showed up and I spent the night at his house with his girlfriend and her little girl. Then when the little one was asleep, we decided to have an Alien/Aliens mini marathon but the “file” on my brother’s media player was “corrupt”.
I ended up passing out on his couch.
June 26, 2012
I thought about writing another one of my Good Lists today (I swam 14 laps today), but I found the slideshow option instead! So… here’s little Luna, yet again! (I know. I know. But she looks so calm, quiet, assertive and pensive in these.)
I’m also too tired to actually write any of the ideas that keep milling around my head. If I could just catch one and sit down with it!
Hypomania has been knocking on my door even though I put the Pretty Little Demons (PLD’s) to bed on Friday. Many of them slept all night and all through the weekend. Most of them behaved all weekend, which is incredible; it was the most stable weekend I’ve had in… I don’t know, but it was nice!
And today I want to live! hahah. Isn’t that great?!
Fuckin’ A. It’s amazing! Yes, it’s amazing to want to live! It’s amazing to not have urges to kill yourself creep up and tear at you every ten minutes.
Better knock on wood now.
Then today, for the third time in the last two weeks, my dad tells me that I am a different person: “You’re still P, but you’re a different person. You’re more understanding, not as angry, more affectionate…” and he went on.
Hmmm? I think that means therapy had been helping, no? The meds? (meh) Oh, the swimming!?
I have many thoughts on this but I’ll leave it there for now.
Oh, speaking of therapy, yesterday was my first day back in therapy at the university, but I didn’t even get to have a session.
I had planned a trip with the MetroLift and the MetroLift mini-bus was late (yet again), only this time it was hella late. I had scheduled my appointment with the New NEW therapist at 7:00 in the evening because she will be at a seminar deal all of this week and, in an effort to get together ASAP, I’d settled for seven on Monday. Well, MetroLift got me there at 7:45 instead. I only had time to meet her and reschedule.
I had gotten myself so pumped, I mean mentally pumped for that session and it all crumbled like burning paper in my hands.
I may write about it if I get the time tomorrow or sometime this week, but I don’t know. I’ll see. One of the reasons I want to is because there are some DBT skills I want to share in regards to that ordeal–basically, I want to share how I kept myself relatively cool, or in other words, how I kept myself from falling completely apart again. It involves little Luna, her little whiskers and swimming.
I do have a Borderline Girl Song post I wrote last week but was too embarrassed to publish it. Shit, I better post it now since I mentioned it.
It’s about a fella named Dusty.
*photos are © 2012 PAZ/MMM*