Aye!
Yes, yes I do.
Ain’t it sad? Sad but true.
So what we gonna,
what we gonna do?

© paz

shit in water

Advertisements

Positive Affirmations 2

August 18, 2013

****

I feel frantic tonight, as I have the last few nights this week. Tonight, well, I don’t know quite how to explain this feeling. It’s like the PLDs (Pretty Little Demons) came back from vacation, hung over and strung out on cocaine, and are throwing a party in my honor. What am I trying to fuckin’ say…

Well, shit… I’m frantic but not angry. I’m excited; I’m thrilled with life and can’t wait for the next second to come. Everything is much to slow or much too fast. I’m over stimulated. I want it to speed up to my level. Confidence has soared and roared. I’m a social butterfly, not a wallflower. I am everyone–everyone is ME. Loud and outspoken, but agreeable to. I start a fight, but then I’ll make the peace. Pacify me and i’ll pacify you.

But an a storm of instability seems to approach. I hope I’m wrong. I HOPE THE WEATHER MAN IS WRONG!

That’s how I feel, only I can’t seem to pacify myself at night. In the days, yes. Nights, not so much. I’m caught in a tangle of thoughts.

********

This morning I woke up screaming. I was yelling at my mother in a dream, though I don’t know or remember what the dream was about or what I said to her. All I know is my own voice woke me. It’s odd. It it happens a lot to me; it happens more when I’m frantic, or hypomanic or whatever.

****

Friday night was terrible. I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts were racing. My body wanted rest but my brain was running a marathon. I wrote yet another ramble on my iPhone (note the bad grammar). You can’t write at light-speed while tapping tiny keys on a little screen.

Rambles ©paz 2013

Rambles ©paz 2013

I jump from tangent to tangent. And I’m anxious. These days there’s so much anxiety that is coursing through my body that my hands are shaky again.

****

I went from writing on my phone to writing on my sketchbook. I don’t know when I finally fell asleep.

But here’s more of what I wrote. I’ll call them my positive affirmations, for now.

© paz 2013

© paz 2013

Positive Affirmations

August 16, 2013

iphone rambles ©paz 2013

iphone rambles ©paz 2013

********

My 5 a.m. rambles from last night’s hypomanic induced sleeplessness.

Hammer, A Senryu

August 20, 2012

Hammer this iron,
this tongue. Oh murderous rage —
strike my scalding mold.

© paz

********

Thanks for the inspiration Le Sailor!

xxx

Queridas Putas Perras

May 14, 2012

queridas putas perras,
quiero decirles que
son unas bellesas
de lo mas grande.
no se dejen llevar
por esa corriente
de rios bravos.
muñecas vestidas
de mafia, de magia,
criadas, levantas
de coca y balasas
enfrenten sus
corazones
sin rencor.
callen en tu
calor, tu
candor, tu
hablar.
amen con
ese amor del mar,
de espuma que sube y
baja
sin importar
dejando sus
huellas
con la marea.

© paz